Thursday, May 05, 2005

Madrid on my mind

I don't think I've ever felt this anxious in my life. I'm about to live in another country which should appear exciting, stressful and wonderful to the casual observer. But the fact is that I've visited Spain about five times in the last five years. Nothing to diminish the exciting notion of living in Spain, but I'm accustomed to the culture, people, and way of life that lures thousands. The source of my anxiety rather stems from the great amount of time I've spent thinking, talking, dreaming, and hoping for my life to finally come together and exist in this wonderful capital.

Turning 30 this year and about to embark on another life elsewhere around the world has gotten me to think how strange and yet, amusing things can change in a person's life. I was born in Nha Trang, Vietnam thirty years ago and my family immigrated to the U.S only a few months after. To find myself going through another process of transplantation has certified my feelings of having a spirit without any roots. Although this may seem sad to some, I don’t think much of it and don’t feel like I’m missing anything.

Honestly, I can't wait to leave. I don't feel attached to the place I called home for the last thirty years of my life, and the reasons are beyond political and cultural disenchantment with the country. I need to move on, and I've felt this need even before I met my wife. I'm only lucky to be able to leave with someone from another country. And little did I ever think I would go back to Spain, the place where I enjoyed and identified with when I first visited and vowed to return. Spain was the country in Europe where I first felt alive, a substantial pulse that demanded a return.

So here I am with no more than a month left to tie up loose ends and say my goodbyes to the ones I love before I make my one-way departure with my wife to her native soil and my new home. I wonder about many things about being in Madrid, but I have no doubt that I will adjust easily to the Mediterranean way of life. Just like in Vietnam when I first visited with my wife just a few months ago, there is something to be said about southern countries and how life seems to breathe and relax. It’s as if the arteries of living that flow freely through these sectors in the world are never clogged or unmoving. With Madrid on my mind, I find myself already there with the familiar smells of Spanish cooking, streets abound with people and terraces filled throughout the country taking in a variety of drinks to enjoy with conversations and laughter.

Just a month left and I’ll be living in Madrid. It’s not a bad place or start to a new life, no?

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